“Age UK took me by the hand and led me in the right direction”

85-year-old, Gordon from Norwich, met his wife, Jillian, during their school years. “Her dad was a Major in the Army”, Gordon recalls. “So, she went to a posh private school in the area, but I used to meet up with her on her walk home and we’d chat about what happened to each of us that day”.

Gordon and Jillian were married for 61 incredible years. One daym back in 2012, Jillian was out in the garden when she took a tumble. “I thought she might have fainted”, says Gordon. But they later discovered the cause was far more concerning – it was the first sign of Jillian’s brain haemorrhage.

Jillian needed more care from that point onwards, but Gordon refused to move her into a nursing home. “I wouldn’t do it”, he says firmly, “instead, I promised to look after her in our own home where I knew she would feel most comfortable.”

At this point in their lives, Gordon and Jillian’s nearest Age UK was Age UK Norfolk which Gordon relied on heavily at the time. “I used to take Jillian to a Day Centre that was run by Age UK Norfolk once a week. The staff there were brilliant. It gave Jillian a change of scenery, and me a break from caring duties – even if just for a couple of hours.”

After 10 years of being cared for and tended to by Gordon in their home, Jillian sadly passed away.

“I fell to pieces”, says Gordon. “I remember just after it happened, when a staff member from the Age UK Norwich team took me out to a local garden centre, and I just couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.”

Three years on, and Gordon still struggles with loneliness. “I live in a flat now, in the centre of Norwich, but the moment I close that front door, I’m all by myself”, he says.

Gordon also admits he was surviving off ready meals for a long time – until he noticed that Age UK Norwich was offering a cooking course. “I’d never even cooked a sausage”, Gordan jokes. But little did he know, this one decision to learn a new skill would help him to rediscover the joys life can bring again.

“Now, I go to several clubs run by Age UK Norwich throughout the week, including Riverside Multi-Games and St Stephen’s Café – you could say I’m a regular! I love its Walking Football programme too. I’m not as mobile as I once was, so I might stand at the sidelines sometimes, but just being there, amongst it all, it works wonders”, explains Gordon.

Gordon has also developed special friendships in this time, including one with a volunteer at Age UK Norwich called Roy, who visits Gordan every Friday afternoon for tea and cake.

To celebrate Christmas 2023, Age UK Norwich hosted a Christmas Meal that was supported by the local John Lewis. “Even with the cookery course under my belt, I knew I could never make a meal like that”, says Gordon, “so I was thrilled to bits with the invite.”

“The food was incredible, turkey and Christmas pudding…”, Gordon remembers. “Halfway through, a lady sat down next to me and, thinking she was just running late and had missed out, I offered her my pudding. Turns out, she was from John Lewis and had just come to pay the bill – but she appreciated my offer all the same!”

In fact, when reminiscing on the day, Gordon says he can’t remember a time he was so relaxed. “It wasn’t just a day out for me”, he adds. “I looked forward to it for weeks beforehand, talked to my friends about it, planned it in my diary and then afterwards, I didn’t stop talking about it”.

Gordon goes on: “On Christmas Day itself, I was all alone. It was horrible. I got my coat and went on a walk, but everything was closed. Age UK Norwich’s Christmas Meal a couple of weeks earlier – that was my Christmas Day.”

"I’m completely serious when I say I wouldn’t be here today without Age UK Norwich. I’ve lost my entire family, and words are inadequate to express my sorrows. Loneliness is a terrible, terrible thing, but there is always hope and support out there if you just reach for it."

When asked what his advice would be to others in his situation, Gordan thinks carefully before saying: “Don’t let go. Contact someone, push yourself to get back on your feet, join something to get out and meet people. It’s easy to think you’re the only one who’s struggling, but you’re not. Finding people in the same boat as you and being there for each other is so important.”

And when asked what difference Age UK has made to his life, Gordon says with a smile: “They took me by the hand and led me in the right direction.”