Alzheimer's Awareness Day
Published on 21 September 2024 08:00 AM
Today, September 21st, marks Alzheimer’s Awareness Day. We have been kindly allowed to share with you this written piece by Adrian Lee. Adrian is a participant in Helen Aithcison's writing groups where he shares his experiences with loss, grief, and understanding of Alzheimer’s through his mother's diagnosis.
Glenn Campbell wrote a love song to his wife in 2013, when he found out. "I'm Not Gonna Miss You". Had he cheated? No. Had she cheated? No. Life had cheated them both with his diagnosis of Alzheimer's. They knew what was coming. Within four years, he was gone.
How can you miss someone when you no longer have any idea who they are? The reality of Alzheimer's. You are going nowhere but you start grieving for the love of your life when little by little they disappear in front of you. No more cryptic crosswords, no more chats about your respective days. They are still in front of you, but they will eventually neither know their own name or yours.
And, if they could know what was happening to them; the shame of double incontinence — a proud person, now a shell. And you grieve and you go home and cry alone.
You don't want them to die, but you don't want the death of 3000 days. Then, many months later, on a bad day, you are talking to them aloud and you say,
‘I'm not sure I can get through this,’ referring to other personal life issues.
They suddenly speak, ‘Do you think you'll be OK? I think you will be OK.’
Perfectly clear, proper intonation. Then they are gone again into the apparent emptiness of their minds. And you go home and cry like a baby.
Months later they are gone, all of a sudden, unexpectedly. The rawness of grief passed years earlier. Now, just a reflective sadness. So, what are my words of wisdom?
Talk to them like they understand, while you can. Look at them even if they don't look back, while you can. Hold their hand even though they can't squeeze back, while you can. Kiss them while you can. Somewhere, sometimes, just for a few moments, they are all there.
