Introducing Wise Words: Your go to destination for timeless advice
Published on 20 March 2024 12:00 PM
Inspired by a heartfelt dilemma shared by one of our readers, we're excited to launch our new advice column, Wise Words. Whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships, career decisions, or life's unexpected twists and turns, our experienced advisors are here to offer guidance and support.
Let's take a read of our first dilemma:
Dear Wise Words,
I'm turning to you for some much-needed advice. I'm 26, and in the past couple of years, I've faced some tough losses—I lost my mum in 2022 and both my grandparents during the lockdowns. With no family left to turn to, I've relied heavily on my boyfriend, who's been my rock for the past four years.
But lately, things have gotten complicated. After my grandparents passed in 2020, I inherited a lump sum and started dreaming of owning my own home. I had it all planned out to achieve this goal by 2026. Then, at the beginning of this year, I landed a much better-paying job, which sped up my plans unexpectedly. With my savings and inheritance, I'm ready to make this dream a reality sooner than I thought.
But as I excitedly started looking at properties, I encountered an unexpected hurdle—my boyfriend's discomfort with my newfound success. His comments about my "independence" and my inheritance have led to many arguments between us. And to add to the mix, his poor credit means that the mortgage would have to be solely in my name, which seems to bother him, although he won't admit it.
I understand he wants me to wait until he's ready, but this was a plan I made before we were even together, and I'm ready now. So, why should I wait? And for how long? I have offered different financial arrangements, and he won't budge.
I'm torn between pursuing my dreams and our relationship. Can we overcome this, or is it a red flag I can't ignore?
Your guidance would mean the world to me.
Sincerely,
Concerned 26
Dear Concerned 26,
Navigating the complexities of life can often feel daunting, but remember, you are not alone. It's important to approach the situation with a clear mind. Firstly, take some time to reflect on your feelings and needs. Consider what you truly want; you have much time ahead of you.
When it comes to relationships, open and honest communication is key. I'm concerned that your partner is being passive-aggressive rather than telling you the problem upfront. It will be a lot of responsibility for you to carry the fort alone, and I suggest you carefully think about venturing down this road with this young man. You have suffered a lot of loss, and I do not believe it's a good sign that this is the tone he is taking with you, knowing what you have recently gone through.
If you both think you can get through this together, I would get an outside opinion to help your partner understand his options and let him know he is in a better position than he thinks.
If I could go back and do anything again, I would put myself first more often and tell more people where to stick it! Remember, it's okay to prioritise your happiness, and it's something you should be doing anyway. Trust yourself and the wisdom gained from people like your mum; she will watch over you the whole way, regardless of your decision.
With warm regards,
Janet, 91.
Ready to share your thoughts or seek advice on your own challenges?
We'd love to hear from you! Whether you have insights to offer on our featured dilemmas or if you're facing a situation of your own, don't hesitate to reach out. Send in your questions, share your stories, and let's navigate life together. Your voice matters, and we're here to listen. Email us to get started!