In a pub in Twickenham on the last Wednesday of every month, the Rainbow Café meets.
Run by Age UK Richmond upon Thames, the regular group gives local LGBT+ people the opportunity to connect and have a chat over a coffee in a relaxing and easy-going atmosphere. It’s a project that Carol and Aydee, the group’s founders, had considered setting up for a long time, but it was a conversation with an Age UK Richmond regular that made Carol realise just how overdue this kind of group was.
“One of our clients came in to have a chat with me and she said that her partner had gone into a care home,” Carol tells us. “And I asked, ‘what’s his name?’ She gave me a long look and said, ‘actually, my partner’s a woman’. I felt so awful for assuming. She’s 85. They've been together 60 years.”
“The client said that she wanted to be able to meet up with other like-minded people who would understand what it was like to be in her situation in the time that she grew up, and without having to constantly remind people that her partner is a woman.”
This is a safe space, where you don't have to explain yourself and your whole back story every time.
Support and safety
Having anticipated that only a few people would join, the Rainbow Café started with 17 people attending the first session, and now has 25 regular members. It’s going from strength to strength – the group recently celebrated its first anniversary, and has found a corporate partner, eBay, who allow the group to use their space for functions.
But Carol explains that the true value of the group is that it provides safety to people: “I think there is something important about saying this is your safe space, where you don't have to explain yourself and your whole back story every time. Everyone just gets it and there's such value in that.”
One member of the group had been in denial about his sexuality for a long time, as he didn’t feel he could come out when he was young in the 1950s and ‘60s. Now in his 70s, he has adult children and his wife of many years has since died.
Carol explains how the Rainbow Café has helped to give him the confidence he needed to come out and be true to himself: “In the time he has left, he wants to be as authentic as possible. The other members were so sweet and welcoming to him. He sent me an e-mail afterwards and he said the advice and friendship is going to help him going forwards in his next phase of life.” He has since joined lots of Age UK Richmond’s other activities as well, like exercise and cooking classes.
Loneliness affects everyone, but perhaps [the LGBT+ community] in particular, because of the history of being judged and abused.
Establishing lifelong friendships
Carol and Aydee explain how loneliness is something that a lot of older people experience, but especially the older LGBT+ community. “Loneliness affects everyone,” Aydee explains. “But perhaps this group in particular, because of the history of being judged and abused.”
For those who attend, the group is a chance to learn from and connect with LGBT+ people of a similar age, as a Rainbow Café regular explains: “I look forward to it every month now. The Rainbow Café is such a lovely, welcoming space, and it puts me in touch with LGBT+ life in Richmond and Twickenham – which for me has been lacking for a long time.”
Once the members have met and made connections, they’re also encouraged to stay in touch outside the group. Aydee says: “That’s really valuable for us – it's just amazing. We always say our job is done when we get people together and they take it outside of the group.”
Making a difference with other organisations
The Rainbow Café’s corporate partner eBay, which has a Pride and Inclusion group, offered to throw a Christmas party last year at their office. Carol says: “All the people who attended from eBay were members of their Pride and Inclusion group. It was a lovely intergenerational get together, and we know that our Rainbow Café members are more likely to be lonely at Christmas time.”
Aydee explains they have plans to work with local schools, as an opportunity for different generations of the LGBT+ community to share their experiences. “Nowadays in schools, it's not the same as when people of the older generation grew up. So it's a really great opportunity for members of our group to exchange experiences on how they grew up and what challenges they faced compared to now.”
Both Aydee and Carol have achieved so much in such a short time, after setting up the Rainbow Café just over a year ago. As Carol says: “In April I’ll have worked at Age UK Richmond for 10 years, and this is the project I'm most proud of.”
Support for older LGBT+ people
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