When Eva, 73, lost her beloved husband David to pancreatic cancer in 2022, her life fell apart. Having shared 40 happy Christmases with David, Eva's experience of Christmas became a lonely one, and a reminder of losing him, as he died on 19 December.
“Well, when you think you've had 40 Christmases together, and then all of a sudden, for the rest of your life, there's somebody missing…,” says Eva. “He will always be missed, and nothing can change that. All the presents in the world wouldn't change it.”
Christmas was a big celebration when Eva’s husband was around, and he would go to a lot of effort for the family putting up a light display. His enthusiasm for the festive time of year was infectious, and all the neighbours would want to join in and share the joy: “He was the first person on our road to have lights outside. Not just any lights – a lot of lights. Nobody else put them up, but then the next thing you know, neighbours were knocking on the door asking 'Can we borrow your ladder?' Everybody started putting them up, and this ladder went around the street!”
[My husband] will always be missed, and nothing can change that.
Reminiscing about special time together
Eva and David met on a trip to Butlins, and soon settled down to have a family. Having both been married before, their house was always full with their children. In later years, due to having spent his life working as a train driver, David developed a crumbling spine, brought on by the pressure of the train , and had taken early retirement. They bought a caravan and enjoyed taking trips away together, having as Eva recalls “the time of our lives”.
“David didn't like flying very much,” Eva admits. “But we went all over – to Spain, Portugal, Greece, Italy. The caravan was at Morecambe, and that's where the ferry is to the Isle of Man. We went there a few times too.”
Finding support from Age UK
When David got ill, the couple had to sell their much-loved caravan and stay at home all the time. It was when he was sick and Eva needed help with benefits that she discovered Age UK.
Eva and David went along to Age UK Sheffield to get help with securing benefits. Eva explains: “The lady came and filled all the forms while we were there and helped us with everything. When it got sorted we could not believe what we could have been having. Our Council Tax dropped, everything dropped. And then we got money from Attendance Allowance as well. It was brilliant. They changed our lives.”
Knowing someone's there who's bothered about you, who cares about you and your welfare, makes all the difference.
Learning to cope with being alone
After her David died, Eva tried to continue living in the family home, but after a while she felt so lonely that she decided to sell it and move to shared living accommodation.
“I never saw anybody because my kids have got families to look after themselves. So, I had to accept that that was the way it was going to be. But I couldn't. I stuck it for about six months, and then I said to the kids, 'I know I said I wouldn't, but I'm going to sell the house. I've got to get out of there,' and that's how I came to live here.”
Feeling connected again
After six months of feeling isolated and in urgent need of connection, Eva signed up to the Age UK Telephone Friendship Service and was matched with Lorraine, who supported her through the worst time of her life and beyond.
This friendship has helped Eva to develop others, as well as to re-embrace her hobbies, including knitting and bingo. “Knowing someone's there who's bothered about you, who cares about you and your welfare, makes all the difference.”
Since finding out about Age UK’s Telephone Friendship Service, Eva feels like she has something to structure her week around. She and her telephone friend also share an interest in football.
“My life's changed with the phone calls because it's an interest,” says Eva. “During the week, if I do something, I used to find I'd have no one to tell, but now I've got Lorraine. I'll say, 'I've been watching football,' and we laugh at each other because our teams are rivals.
“We're all right about it normally until it comes to playing each other, and then, well, we don't discuss it!” Eva laughs. “We just pray for a draw.”
Our other Christmas storytellers
Find out how Age UK has helped Steve and Michael to feel less lonely at Christmas and all year round.
