Caring and Cancer Blog - 12th Dec 23

Caring and Cancer

A lot of people with caring responsibilities don’t even see themselves as a carer, perhaps because they are close to the person they look after. You might be a partner, sibling, parent, child, friend or neighbour to someone with cancer. If you are helping somebody, unpaid, who would not be able to manage without your help, then you are their carer (regardless of your relationship with that person). You are also entitled to any support you might need.

Every caring situation is different. Your responsibilities will depend on what the individual needs and what help you can provide. You may share caring responsibilities with someone else, or you may be the primary carer.

Being a carer can involve:

- Helping with daily tasks, such as meal prep and managing their medication.

- Helping with personal care, like bathing, dressing and shaving. You can find practical tips for caring for someone with cancer here.

- Driving them to appointments, taking them for blood tests etc.

- Providing emotional support.

- Talking to others on their behalf, e.g. health and social care professionals.

Check out Macmillan’s information focused on young carers, for those aged under 18 who look after someone.

Supporting someone with cancer

Supporting someone with cancer can be fulfilling and give you a sense of purpose, but it can also be a rollercoaster of emotions. Caring can be time-consuming, and demanding and take its toll both mentally and physically. When you are so focused on looking after another person, you are likely to put them first (and yourself last).

You tend to neglect your own wellbeing when you prioritise someone else, so self-care often goes out the window. To be the best version of yourself though, for you and the person you’re caring for, it is important to take care of yourself. Caring for a loved one can be tough and you might feel like you don’t have the time or energy to look after yourself too. But you will feel more positive and productive if you practice some self-care. Try to do what you can, when you can.

• Keeping active – this could be a walk, jog, swim or yoga class. Physical activity releases feel-good chemicals in your brain and is a powerful stress reliever. Being active means you’ll have more stamina, energy and resilience; this will benefit both you and the person you care for. Exercise is also a great way to release built-up tension and clear your mind, which can lower feelings of anxiety.

• It is harder to cope when we are sleep deprived, so aim to get between 7-9 hours of sleep every night. This will reduce mental fatigue, help you think more clearly, and improve your mood so you don’t feel cranky! Getting a good night’s sleep is easier said than done when you have a lot playing on your mind though; so talk to your doctor if sleep is an issue for you. The Sleep Charity provides some Useful Resources and Guidance here.

• Stay social - it’s important to share how you’re feeling and offload to friends and family. Make some time to talk to others, even if it’s just a catch-up over the phone. Talking helps to release pent-up feelings and deal with difficult emotions. If you struggle with being open about your feelings with other people, then writing about them (keeping a daily diary, for example) can be helpful too. Anyway, letting it out allows us to process our emotions and feel less overwhelmed by them.

• Make sure you eat regular, healthy meals. When we are stressed, overrun or fatigued, we tend to make less healthy choices - you only have to do a food shop when you’re feeling this way to notice it! Eating nutritious foods will help to lift your mood, as well as keep your energy levels up.

• Remember to take breaks. Being a carer is not easy and you are only human. Everyone needs time to rest and reset, and you’ll end up feeling overwhelmed if you don’t take any time out. Give yourself a break to do something you enjoy now and then – whether that’s seeing a friend for coffee, listening to music, going for a sea swim or doing some arts and crafts.

• We all need a good cry sometimes. If you've been holding back your emotions, crying can be a healthy release.

Help for Carers

It might help to talk to and share experiences with other carers on Macmillan’s online community. Cancer Research UK also have a Cancer Chat forum, where you can chat with other people in similar situations who will understand.

There are Cancer Support Cafes across Cornwall, including Wadebridge, Bodmin, St Austell, and Launceston, that are friendly and welcoming to anyone affected by cancer, which includes carers, call 01872 266383 to find out more. These cafes are free to attend and offer support, information and the opportunity to network with other carers.

According to feedback reports, carers benefit from Cancer Support Cafes in a number of ways, including not feeling so alone/knowing that they aren't the only one, making connections after being isolated, finding it easier to speak to others who aren't family, enjoying being with others in the same position, having the availability of information and support, and having something to look forward to.

There are other organisations that can help, such as Carers UK and Carers Trust. Any adult who cares for another adult can have a carers assessment, to see what support may help. It is also important to accept help from others, such as family and friends. If you are finding it hard to cope, it is important to talk to people close to you and to your GP.

As a carer, you may also need financial support and be entitled to different benefits. You might be thinking about how to manage your money, make plans and informed decisions, and feel more in control. Find out more about financial support for carers here.

Becoming a carer can be a big change in your life. It can take time for you to adjust to these changes. You may have to balance caring with things like working and other relationships. Juggling work and caring responsibilities can be very tricky. It can feel as though you are on your own and have no support, but there are people who understand and can advise. Know that you have rights at work, as well as laws in place to support you.

Macmillan’s Work Support Service helps people with cancer and their carers to understand their rights at work after a cancer diagnosis. Work advisers offer guidance on how to talk to employers, negotiate adjustments at work, sick pay and take time off work. They can also refer people to one-off legal advice if needed. You can contact the Work Support Service for free as part of the Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 (Monday – Friday, 8 am – 6 pm).

Take care of yourself over the Christmas period, and remember that you cannot pour from an empty jug, please take some time for yourself.

See you soon.