Costas - Dementia Befriender

We spoke with Costas, who has been volunteering with Age UK Camden for over 13 years. He volunteers as a Dementia Befriender, providing company and companionship to an older lady in Camden. Without Costas, she would not get the opportunity to sing, chat and reminisce about her love for theatre. We asked Costas to tell us what being a Dementia Befriender is like. Over to you, Costas! 

I remember when I first came to Age UK Camden, I realised that it was the only voluntary service which was organised; they know what they’re doing. They do the DBS check, which is so important because I visit other people’s homes. I must be checked by the police. And I like that. I like things to be done properly, and I was very happy that I was able to do something for the community because I’m a Camden resident. 

For my friend, I go in as a different person, I’m not a carer or doctor, I’m not interested in all this about ‘are you warm?’ and all that, no, I’m directly as a friend asking, “hi, how are you today?” 

Our conversation usually starts the same each the time. For example, I will say, “how are you today?” and my friend replies, “all the better for seeing you”. I will usually then say, “oh no, that’s my line”, and my friend will reply, “ok, well then we’ll share it!” You know, this is the kind of thing we say to each other. For example, when I go out, I say, “I’m going now, see you later alligator!” and she will reply, “In a while crocodile” – It’s lovely. She doesn’t have the chance to say that to anybody else.  

She always wants to sing. I am older myself, and I have a book full of old songs. I know what she likes because over the years we’ve been talking, we found that we share the same passion for the theatre and musicals. She tells me about times as a young girl she’d go to the theatre every week. She tells me what her grandmother used to sing, what her mother used to sing, and I made a list of all these things, and I know those songs, so we sit down and sing.  

She gets very, very, excited when she sings. In fact, sometimes she even becomes so enthusiastic that she tells me she feels as if she is a young girl. When we sang [“If You Were The Only Girl (In The World) from the musical The Bing Boys Are Here] last time, afterwards I said to her, “if you were the only young girl in the world and I was the only young man, where would you like me to take you?” and she says “I would like to go back to my hometown, and also I would like to go to Scotland”. I said OK, when I grow up - because I’m still young - I’ll take you.  

People must realise that they’re not going to give up whole afternoons as a Dementia Befriender. It’s only a couple of hours, but these couple of hours mean a lot. To me, it means everything. It means that I dedicate a little bit of my life to be with the past, to share the knowledge I have about my past and learn about someone else’s.  

For anyone thinking about volunteering as a Dementia Befriender, please go ahead. It will enhance your life. It will make you feel human again; that you are doing something useful and something worthwhile. Let’s face it, there’s nothing happier for a person than to be able to give happiness to somebody and get some happiness back. It’s a shared thing. I am all for seeing people happy really.