I'm a dementia befriender

Visiting someone with a dementia diagnosis is different from more regular befriending, says dementia befriender Jean, but equally, if not more, rewarding

I first became aware of the importance of this idea some years ago now when I visited an elderly lady with dementia. She couldn’t remember what she had had for lunch – or even if she’d had lunch! - but she could play a mean game of Scrabble and beat me every time!  It was great to be able to engage with her through this game and we both enjoyed the sessions. Otherwise, she tended to be rather isolated as her conversation was limited.

As everyone living with dementia is different, I wasn’t expecting to repeat this exact experience. I currently visit a delightful lady with short-term memory problems who has difficulties processing information.  She prefers to chat about her past. She also enjoys colouring in simple pictures slowly and carefully and talking about them.  I have learnt to ask only simple questions and give my lady plenty of time to digest and think before replying. 

I am aware that she has days when she is less lucid and responsive and I must be prepared to be flexible when that occurs.  So far she has responded very positively but I am careful not to stay too long as she gets tired . (I usually stay between one hour and one and half hours) It has been a very pleasant experience and I do feel I make a difference.

It takes a  little while to discover what would be suitable activities and topics of conversation. Family carers are very helpful here and Age  UK Barnet has an activity box and a  good list of resources. Undertaking the essential training provided by Age UK Barnet was very useful .

Different types of dementia were explained and a  framework provided . Above  all, we  were encouraged  to  explore  possible  scenarios ,particularly  the  importance  of accepting  the  reality of the  dementia  sufferer . For example, someone may forget  that  their  spouse  has  died. It is important  not  to  contradict  this  belief  but  to  go  along  with  it  and  try  to distract  if appropriate.

People living with dementia can find their opportunities for companionship and interaction  diminishing. This is particularly true for those that live alone.  But family members also appreciate  the chance to share their caring responsibilities for a short time. So the befriending scheme is vital in providing much needed support for a  gap in general provision  and is highly regarded.

I'm glad to be a part of it!