'I couldn't see the point of cooking just for me'

Our cookery participant Andy spoke to The Observer about learning to cook in our classes and how it has impacted his life.

I learned to cook when I was 73. My wife, Rocky, died of cancer 11 years ago and during our marriage she never asked or expected me to do any of the cooking. It sounds very chauvinistic to say this, but I presume she thought it was a woman’s job – and I lacked any enthusiasm to learn. It was the same when I was a child. I was never asked to do any cooking and I never thought about it. If anything, my mother viewed me as a hindrance if I was in the kitchen.

I did once cook a turkey at Christmas for my wife, when she was very ill, but only because she shouted instructions from her bed. While she was having chemotherapy, all I could make her was readymeals in the microwave. Often, she didn’t eat half of it. I look back now and regret not being able to cook for her.

For years after she died, I got by on readymade meals. It became very expensive and my daughter kept on at me to learn to cook, and bought me cookery books. She pointed out that I had time on my hands, in retirement. But I couldn’t see the point of cooking just for me and I felt scared of not knowing what to do.

When the world started opening up again after the pandemic, my daughter suggested I go to a cookery class. I discovered Age UK Barnet was running one and decided to go along. I never felt embarrassed because most of the other students were men, too – I was one of the youngest there, at 73. I was put to work in a group, and the first thing I did was learn to chop. Gradually, after a few weeks, I became more confident and started frying things and preparing food to put in the oven. I’d often learn what to do from watching the more experienced students or asking them for tips.

Now, I really look forward to going. Not only do I thoroughly enjoy cooking, I also enjoy the social aspect of the class. It’s a very lonely life when your better half dies, but in the class, we all cook different parts of a meal and when we finish, we sit down and eat together.

I’ve started using the cookery books my daughter gave me and I get a lot of pride out of cooking a curry or a bolognese sauce from scratch. When I invite my family around for dinner, they give my cooking the thumbs up. I just wish my wife was still here to taste it.

Photo: Dan Burn-Forti

To find out more about our cookery programme, see our cookery classes or our What's On guide or get in touch with Stacey on stacey.kanolik@ageukbarnet.org.uk